With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
