shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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