I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
