Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
