does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
