I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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