so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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