Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
