You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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