Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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