remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
