i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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