idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
