Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
