i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
