You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
