like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
