and you said cock pushups were impossible
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
