the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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