Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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