So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
