So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
