Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
