I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
