OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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