we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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