the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
