It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
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oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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