Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
