I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
