I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
