I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
