Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
