I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.