Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...