The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You are the jesus of drinking
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?