I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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