i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.