You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
