Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
