This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
