Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she peed on how many people?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
