wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
