So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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