I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
