how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
