based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
