Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
