The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
