i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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