So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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