her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize