We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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