did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
