evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
