Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
