Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
