So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
