i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
