He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
