I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
