I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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