12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
