Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
