Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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