Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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