Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
