one two three fourrrrnication!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
