Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My ass is underappreciated
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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